I’ve been wanting to write a post about my PCOS journey for a while now. I actually wrote a really in-depth look at my battle in November of last year after my good sis Keke Palmer told her story via IG. I was reluctant to publish it because it was maybe too much information. But you know, everything happens for a reason and I’m comfortable sharing with much less detail now so here goes.
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19 in college. I went in for a check-up, and when they asked about my last menstrual, I couldn’t remember when it was. Possibly a month or two after my June 2010 high school graduation. It was early 2011 so the doctor of course started asking more questions.
It was the first I'd ever heard about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. My nonexistent menstrual cycle, hormonal acne, mild hirsutism, and some skin discoloration were clear indicators.
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS is a complicated, complex yet non-definitive hormonal condition that affects about 1 in 10 women of childbearing age. It leads to infertility, insulin resistance, hyperandrogenism, etc. I encourage you to research if you’re interested in learning more but it is the sum of a couple of things too much to explain here.
Long story short, I spent the next seven years with no menstrual cycle. At first, I was ok with it because no cycle meant no baby. Great, because I wasn’t ready for that, so I used my condition to my advantage.
At the time, it worked out perfectly. Until it didn’t.
Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I'm family oriented, I loved children of all ages and I couldn't imagine life without my siblings. Having a family of my own seemed like one of the greatest joys to look forward to.
However, I knew I had to plan and prepare. I also knew I didn’t really want children in my 20s. I wanted to use that time to live a wholesome adult life before I have to prioritize being a mom. Not having any regrets was important to me.
After I turned 25 the absence of my period started to bother me. I’d become somewhat well-accomplished for my age and I thought I could speed up the timeline. I’ve always been told that I won’t be able to conceive naturally or at all because of my PCOS. However, I kept hope alive because I always seemed to come across stories of women going on to have successful pregnancies despite of.
I got my period for the first time in yearssss in December of 2019. It was quite the experience. Heavy bleeding, debilitating cramping, and just pure misery. I took those period pains with grace becoming tbh, I felt like a woman again.
That period lasted for 10 days. It came back every month since then for a shorter amount of days until it regulated itself down to 5.
I bought an ovulation kit just to see if things were “really working”. I rarely ovulated, or maybe I never tested at the right times. It was fine though because a monthly cycle was enough for me. Something was regular. That hope returned.
At that point, I didn’t care if I got pregnant because I was ready. I was doing well for myself and for the most part, I had no reason why I couldn’t or shouldn’t have a child.
Deep down I didn’t want a child with who I was dating at the time but it was also going to be MY child if it happened. It never did and every day I thank God because in hindsight a way better plan for me was in place.
In January of this year, I made a New Year’s resolution to get in shape. I gave myself a year and a half to transform into the woman I could be proud of by my 30th birthday in June 2023.
I stuck with it yall 🥰
I changed my diet, started working out 3 days a week until it became 5, continued therapy, and lived my best life.
By September I had dropped 45lbs and was very much obsessed with working out and eating healthy. I had crazy energy, and my mental health was better than ever. I was loving on myself so good.
Although I was getting in the best shape of my life, I’d also settled into a place where I didn’t want or need kids because it just wasn’t happening. My cycle had regulated and chances I may have had to get pregnant, I didn’t so I just let it go. I have godchildren and a hot new body that was getting fitter by the week. I even considered tying my tubes so I could close out hope for good.
No really, and I texted my friends that very thing the same day I found out I'm pregnant. Yea, pregnant. But in a happy, scared, and wtf, how could this ever happen kind of way. I tested every day for a week straight and I cried ALOT. Happy tears, sad tears, scared tears. I think I felt every emotion. Even the guilt of even saying I should tie my tubes was overwhelming.
All I could say is God has a funny sense of humor because I’ve tweeted about becoming a mom by age 30 on multiple occasions.
What's even funnier is the day before I got pregnant, my dad told me he was ready for grandkids to which my response was “get one of your other kids to do it”. This was so strange because my dad always prided himself on not having grandkids because he thinks he's “too young.” Weird turn of events for sure.
I’ve thought about if to share my story, but like I’ve said before on this blog nobody’s perfect and life isn’t always what it so sharing parts of my life is a little liberating tbh. What you see is really what you get. What's tea to somebody is a testimony for me, Amen, lol.
I also thought of when to ever share my news but there’s no right or wrong time. Most people choose to wait until they’re out of the first trimester and I get it. Pregnancy is a sensitive topic. It’s hard for me to not share my news because I’m happy. Looking at my story from a Bird’s Eye view, where I’ve been, and how far I’ve come, I’m deserving of this. I’ve accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly that will come with this journey.
I must say God looked out for me. I inadvertently prepared my mind and body and was rewarded with this blessing and most importantly an amazing and supportive partner.
Also, timing is everything. I couldn’t imagine this happening a year or two or even a few months ago. I’m in a good place and I’m truly grateful. I’ve surrendered to this process and will let God lead the way.
My story is one of hope and the will to let go and let God. And I know not everyone is spiritual or a believer and that’s okay. Honestly, I couldn’t think of attributing this to anyone else. With what I’ve been through, I know I didn’t make it through and arrive here on my own. I think I always maintained a little bit of hope but it was when I let go of what happens in my life and my need for control, I received my blessings.
Honorable mention, my heart smiled so hard when my good sis Keke Palmer announced her pregnancy a few days ago. She and I are the same age and knowing she also suffered from PCOS made me so happy for her, for us. 🥹
It’s still so surreal, every day I say “like wow, I’m really gonna be a mom,” and that brings me so much joy.
I got a lil baby Draco otw lol 🤰🏽😆 Pray for me y'all ❤️
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