This piece is aimless. I have no points to prove and quite frankly, for a writer and a public speaker, my son and this experience most times leave me speechless…
On the breathtaking journey of my motherhood, in a nutshell, I absolutely love it here.
It’s only been three months so most people will say that yes, it gets harder or the staunch warning, “Wait until them terrible two’s.”
And to that I say, sure bring it on because there’s no turning back now.
I had such an enjoyable pregnancy. I found out very early so it seemed like the longest wait everrr omg lol. I didn’t experience morning sickness, no backaches, hemorrhoids, mood swings, etc. I only had a bout of anxiety early on, which was expected and reasonable given the magnitude of the situation—I mean, it’s one of the most significant decisions I’ve ever made in my life. And if you know me, you know I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I never reduced the role to cute babies or the worth of a woman. I know it's a simple and natural yet complex process of creating life but that in itself is truly no small feat.
Like how can an experience so beautiful, create something even more beautiful, resulting in the most beautiful thing ever? It seems like it always got better for me. These two people are the gifts that keep on giving.
So yes, my pregnancy was a breeze. Labor contractions reduced me to my lowest terms but with the help of an epidural, the birth was smooth. Immediate postpartum recovery was extremely easy on me and to this very moment, I think I have an easy and very happy baby. Lucky me.
If you’re a mom reading this, you might have said “Well not for me” at least once so far but fear not, I’ve had my wtf days. I’ve always been a person whose days are determined by the amount of sleep I get at night. Pre-pregnancy I was clocking 7-8 hrs at night, and during pregnancy, between 9 and 10 glorious hours. Now, I honestly don’t know how I function on 4 to 5 hours of rest a day. I guess it’s a superpower. But there have been a few days where that sleep deprivation was brutal. However, like they say, tough times don’t last, tough people do.
Some other challenges present themselves in different ways but what’s life without them anyway? And because I’ve always shown you guys the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful parts of what makes me human, I don’t want to make it seem like everything is perfect. The beauty of life lies in its imperfections and the things you never see.
For example, my partner does not live on island, so I’m doing the heavy lifting by myself. Some days I want a break and others I just would like some company, yet, all days I’m fully supported. The most important part is that I feel safe, secure, and supported, both emotionally and financially but you know, it goes without saying that sometimes you just want your person physically there. It gets hard, no doubt. Regardless of whatever momentary feeling I experience, me and my baby are blessed beyond measure and I'm routinely reassured of that.
Now onto motherhood in general.
quick prologue: I always have to thank God because every decision, heartbreak, roadblock, dodged bullet, and self-fulfilling prophecy led me right here. I believe that everything happens for a reason and with that, there was no better time than the moment it happened for me.
I say that because although this was a significant life event, it didn’t knock me off my feet. I truly felt like I gracefully and gradually transitioned over time. I can even go further and say the movement started before I conceived. I was in tune with my subconscious self so my mind and body weren’t at odds. I felt at peace for some months before. Over the last year and a half, I felt like a new woman. And if you’re into spirituality and astrology, that’s on my Saturn return 💫
So yes, motherhood was the most natural transition for me. I didn’t fall in love with it, the love just is, and my son isn’t the best thing that happened to me. To explain, self-realization is the best thing that happened to me so I became a mom because of it. [See Maslow's hierarchy.] And I love it here because I’m at the stage in life where I can fully understand and appreciate this life force energy.
But enough of the psychological and spiritual.
Motherhood is a journey. It's never lost upon me that things move fast and slow at the same time. Because I know what to look forward to in the future, I sometimes get wrapped up in the I can't wait tills. You know, "I can't wait until he could walk and talk," "I can't wait till he could eat real food," "I can't wait until he gets his first haircut," "I can't wait until I could introduce him to sports."
In the same breath, he's growing so fast. Long gone is my tiny baby who slept most of the day and wanted nothing but to be fed, and kept clean. Now, he looks forward to seeing me on the wake-up. He's active, doesn't need me to fall asleep, responds verbally to me, and shows clear emotions (a wide gummy smile or a mean exaggerated pout lol). I truly enjoy being his mom and it fills my heart to see him grow and develop daily.
A major part of this journey is the village that comes along with it. My heart is always so full knowing my friends and family are positive sources that keep my cup running over. I am also so grateful to my dad. His upgrade to grandfather has been fun to watch. I know my son is loved, but I have to give my dad credit for always checking on me and my well-being. He's largely a girl dad so I'm happy he now gets a boy in the mix.
This experience so far has been a 10/10. I highly recommend it ONLY if you are open-minded and understand that it's a lifelong commitment. I don't think anyone can truly be ready for motherhood because every journey is different and parenting can bring out the best and/or worst parts of people. Being open-minded to what's to come and loving and supporting your child regardless is key. Life is going to life anyway but once you remain committed to protecting and providing for your child, everything else will sort itself out.
One of the things my son's dad and I agreed to from the very beginning is to release all expectations and go with the natural flow of things. We respected each other, respected the process, and focused on the child at the center of it all, and things worked themselves out. However, I do understand that personalities contend and this won't be possible in every situation.
I have to mention that motherhood is really just one big oxymoron. It's tiresome and drains the life out of you, while it simultaneously gives you the strength, motivation, and willpower to take on another day—you know what I always say, lol, two things could be true at the same time.
To close this out—who my son is as a person brings me undeniable joy. My only expectation of myself is to love him without bounds. I plan to support and protect him as he maneuvers this life as a child throughout adulthood. As he grows into his autonomy, I pray he knows that mom is always home ❤️
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